doych

Things to do when you don’t own a TV

The ex moved out, and took his 3 TVs. You don’t care. But if one day you’re in my situation–home with no TV and 5 cats, just keep in mind the following things you could be doing…

• Buy epoxy. It’s awesome. It fixes everything. But keep the cats away.
• Inhale epoxy. Just do it.
• Look at fish tank. Don’t clean it, just think about how much time you now have to clean it.
• Turn on deck lights. See if snow has melted.
• Look at cable box and wonder when you’ll either cancel or buy new tv.
• Plug in cable box if you really care about what time it is.
• Weigh-in the cats. Note the black one weighs more, but looks slimmest. Make note to self to buy more black pants. Maybe furry black pants.
• Change every bulb in every light fixture.
• Turn on deck lights. See if snow has melted.
• Go to the gym. They have tv! Late night choices are: “16 and pregnant,” “Charlie Rose,” “Glee” or some random republicans. Definitely opt for Charlie. Hope that Matt Damon isn’t on–spin bikes don’t fair well with dramatic pauses.
• Clean stainless steel stove. Every day.
• Go to basement. Grab flashlight. Seek out all illegal items that ex-bf claims he hid from you and could never find. Imagine your next party as a scene from Boogie Nights involving a small Asian man.
• Turn on deck lights. See if snow has melted.
• Think about hiring 3 strong plumbers with big wrenches to come fix the leaking radiator–yes just one radiator.
• Vacuum. Anything. Even the cats.
• Read Suburban Essex. 17 times. Realize all the activities you’ve been missing around town…. The Stroke Club, Self Help Amputee Group, Yoga for the Face–yes, I said face… and even Lunch with a Leprechaun–which, I kid you not, offers “kid friendly sandwiches.”
• Write a blog post about things to do when you don’t have a TV.
• Turn on deck lights. See if snow has melted.

Mom doesn't know my name * weeping *

If you're one of my 3 friends reading this, you know I own Petville.com, essentially a blog for all things pet. My good friend with an active blog on all things brand often complains about PR companies sending non-personalized releases. I get many for Petville, but now, I feel there's nothing lower than mom not even knowing my name. PR peeps, don't use generic greetings, Bill and I will make fun of you.

Hi !

I was searching for pet care bloggers when I came across BLOG NAME {uhm, my blog name is Petville}. We know how much a pet is a part of the family and you want to buy them all you can – but that extra cost can add up fast, especially when you’re on a tight budget. If you want to keep on spoiling your pooch and pampering your cat without breaking the bank… look no further than to the Coupon Mom Show! In the episode airing next week (Thursday February 25^th), Coupon Mom shows her viewers how to spend smartly on pets so that the WHOLE family gets what they need without putting the family in the financial doghouse.

As a pet blogger, I thought you might be interested in learning about and sharing this episode with the readers of BLOG NAME {uhm, my blog name is Petville}...  yadda yadda.

I'm a FUN boss! Join my User Experience team

If you haven't read the top right of this site, I'm a Creative and UX Director, in the network just named No. 2 on the Ad Age Agency A-List. Bottom line, I run the DNA of design.

I'm looking for a few ranges of UX professionals, including IA and research analysts, so please contact me if you work in the UX field. My more immediate need is for IAs... so read along if you are talented, and not an asshole. (predictable disclaimer: that was a complete personal statement, NOT written by my employer.)

I'll try to make it sound sexy... Information Architecture entails designing an information system and the users’ pathways through it. The IA’s goal is to create a system that will provide useful information to suit the user’s context. System structure, inputs and outputs of information, semantic analysis and accommodating changes in the user’s context are in the information architect’s domain.

Ok the reality:

• Develop thorough, realistic plans that support organizational objectives
• Work with clients to understand their business models and goals and help define strategy, content, and features for design of their web site
• Analyze audiences and their information and functional needs
• Define site architecture and navigation that serves as a blueprint of the site upon which all other aspects are built
• Create wireframes, site maps, schematics, process maps, feature lists, mockups, visual specification, working prototypes and other artifacts to describe the intended user experience
• This is for the pharma network within Euro

Sounds like a blast, right? If interested, tell me why you're great.

NOW I'm inspired. How did I miss this?

I feel like Jack Torrance when it comes to writing my MFA thesis - even just the summary of it. By definition I don't procrastinate. I just can't get it done. I surf around blogs, museum sites, writers' journals.... like I'll find some answer to kick start summarizing the ideas in my head.

Well I did come across this little gem. It's the Pantone Color of the Year for 2009: PANTONE 14-0848 Mimosa. Amazing. It's a slightly brighter chroma than my studio walls. I'm now surrounded by a color that "exemplifies the warmth and nurturing quality of the sun, properties we as humans are naturally drawn to for reassurance."

In NJ that's equivalent to Hollywood Tans. In 8 minutes I'll be ready to write.

The salvage of Flight #1549.

Some compelling images from the recent recovery of Flight #1549 in the Hudson. It’s the kind of stuff you can look at now with interest because nobody died; The scene becomes one of morbid curiousity. It gives you a rare glimpse at the people who actually have to clean up a mess like this after the TV crews are all gone. It’s also interesting to see really good photography of an event different than the way you initially experienced it. While cell phone journalism will become even more widespread, there’s a difference between capturing the moment—and capturing it well. (Via.)

Fireflies as approach to reality

post written: Fri Sep 15 14:16:00 2006

It's now my favorite dog-walking time of year when fireflies are screaming in their loudest illumination. What is usually a dark, rock-tripping stutter through an empty field late at night with my greyhound is temporarily lit by what looks to be millions of little light bulbs known as fireflies, lightning bugs, and even glow worms. (They're actually beetles.)

I have to admit my captivation. I'm lucky to live in a very private wooded area where these bad boys can go nuts blinking their little butts on and off. Literally. I mean, literally they're bad boys - one theory is the males are blinking the brightest in the taller trees while the girls stay low, setting off a more seductive blink. If human interest were only so obvious. I digress.

I think even my dog is hypnotized by the spectacle. But then again the light show has me so mesmerized that Rocky now has all the time in the world to do his business. There's no rush on these evenings - I've forgotten any late night fear of wild dogs, rabid raccoons or foot-stomping deer. This is Soprano land in North NJ so there's also suspect cars slowing down once in a while.

No fears on firefly nights. Their massive cluster of lights is beyond any more desciptive words. I thought about trying to capture it on camera but I know I can not do the visual any justice. I tried Googling some firefly images and found no photographic evidence close to what I witness, but I did find this pictured installation from the 2004 Whitney Biennial. "Fireflies on the Water" is an installation with 150 lights, mirrors and water, by Yayoi Kusama.

Finally, I found a close approach to reality, but I doubt anyone sauntering through the Whitney is looking down and whispering "Go poo."

You're jamming my frequency

My TV was off and I saw no light, but last night I was visited by a poltergeist. It was a friendly one. I can tell there are many happy spirits here around my house which has been standing since 1892. I was at the end of a dream when a strong physical presence took over and awakened me. A presence was at the foot of my bed, persistently tugging at my left foot. It was a friendly tug. Not a "get out of bed now" kind of tug, but more like a "hey, wake up" kind of tug. Of course any kind of tug made my hair stand up and senses alert to anything I could see or hear in the dark. It was frightening for about 30 seconds, then I realized if the presence could speak it would say "Hey, wake up and update your blog already."

Always accessorize

I'm not sure what my Halloween costume will be this year, but I found the perfect accessory.

Don't make me use this on you

My friend sent this. I was NOT looking for it:

"A robber who held up a bookmaker's shop in Leicester with his girlfriend's vibrator has been jailed."

Ok. Another area of England is safe at night.

"Sentencing him, Judge Philip Head said: "It's right to record that you did not have a firearm but you pretended you had and intended that those you confronted believed that you did, and it must have been truly terrifying for them at the time."

If you insist on reading more...

I am not worthy.

When looking for commuting info to NYC from NJ - found this gem right smack in the middle of the DeCamp busline website:

"In May,2006, DeCamp instituted a half-fare student ticket program that we believed would promote and benefit those seeking a higher education. Alas, society has once again proved itself unworthy and completely abused this program so badly that it will now be discontinued."

Please, Decamp, tell me how you really feel.

So, is it because Katie Couric’s a woman?

CBS’s Les Moonves blames their evening news ratings on his view that people just don’t want a woman in that anchor slot. Nooooo. It’s way more simple than that. First of all Les, the format of your show is what’s killing you. Boring, staid, depressing. Factor in the internet, where people can get your news half a day earlier and you’re DOA. But, if you insist on staying with the format, your other major problem is that people just don’t want their news read to them off a prompter by someone with less personality than a Disney animatronic. Especially someone who comes off as being too smug.

She did well on the Today Show. The format was perfect. She could do serious segements bookended by humerous ones. Turn on the charm when she had to, yet also be firm with politicians when they were giving her the runaround. Problem is, the nightly news doesn’t allow for that back and forth dynamic. It's major event of the day followed by serious issue followed by secondary major event of the day followed by still another serious issue.

Maybe, you get one human interest segment at the end. By then however, too much of the brooding she’s perfected has sunk in and not even a segment on the world's largest corn husk in Iowa can save her at that point. Ironic that she was on the network with Tom Brokaw, who could come into your living room, sit down and have a beer with you at the end of a long day, because she seems to have learned nothing from him.

Katie comes in and tells you to take your feet off your own coffee table. Ain’t happening, especially in flyover country. Which is really too bad. She has the ability as an anchor, she just needs to lighten up and stop trying to prove she belongs.

And Les needs to back off and stop forcing a square peg so much. (via Drudge)

Technorati Tags: Katie Couric, Les Moonves

I knew that whole ‘King of the Jungle’ thing was an act.

Amazing video showing the exception, not the rule to what you find in most National Geographic clips. Summed up quite elegantly by one YouTube commentor:

“the lions are pussies.”

Choosing words wisely

I have a birthday arriving in a few days - that makes me a Taurus. I've read a few astrological descriptions that claim we Tauri choose our words wisely, therefore often opting to say less as more.

I'll use that excuse to explain the lame 'ol statement every blogger makes at one point on their keyboard: "Gee it's been a while since I've posted."

But I have no real excuse. I make time to work a 12 hour day. I make time to watch the Sopranos once a week. I make time to go to the gym twice a week. I barely made time to make it to my grad class this semester. I make time to feed the pets, walk the dog and clean up the dead mice my cat leaves behind.

Things I don't seem to have time for - gardening, more walks with the dog, relaxing in my yard, soccer, filming-shooting-writing personal work. I actually enjoy writing - more than I'd expected. I write more in my head than on paper but I'm trying to flip that around. Maybe I'll make it some sort of birthday resolution to re-prioritize my time.

Of course I'll be sure to make time for my pedicure this weekend before heading out for a birthday celebration.

Gentlemen, please step to the East

Found this amusing map floating around -it's supposedly from National Geographic's February issue.
Yes, I represent part of that big fat orange circle in the Northeast.

Short of switching coasts to LA or the predominantly gay San Francisco, it looks like there are really big single Texas boys hanging out in three of the largest "fat" cities in the US... otherwise I can find gambling addicts in Vegas or some overcooked tan single men in sunny Phoenix.

Here's the beef

Perfect blog post on this Good Friday...
Here's a man with way too much fat on his hands. Check out Robert Bolesta's Value Pack fonts. As Bill stated when he sent this to me, it's awesomeness.

Pet owners beware: Pet food recall

Stories like this one horrify me.  Rat poison was found in pet food blamed for the deaths of at least 17 cats and dogs, but scientists said Friday they still don’t know how it got there and predicted more animal deaths would be linked to it.

Major brands like Eukanuba and Iams are affected.

A complete list of the recalled products along with product codes, descriptions and production dates was posted on Menu Foods' Web site. The company also designated two phone numbers that pet owners could call for information: (866) 463-6738 and (866) 895-2708.

Full story at Petville

You know there's a geek factor to your industry when...

...colleague emails get passed around that say this:

"Happy Pi Day!!!
March 14th. A "holiday" celebrated by math geeks everywhere. Pi is approximately 3.14, and March the 14th is 3/14."

Derriere Extraordinaire

Holy crap. Literally. ASSuming this is a joke or a lame attempt at viral marketing, although I'm afraid it's not, a woman in LA is claiming her dog's rear end - butthole included - resembles an image of Jesus Christ. How do I even finish writing about this. I'll just let you see for yourself.

That's right, Bill, this MUST make your list of weekly WTF.

NJ Govt. Warning: Being a redneck may be hazardous to your health

Squirrel hunters: drop your weapons! Squirrels being caught near a toxic waste dump might contain lead. New Jersey is advising that adults eat squirrel no more than twice a week and even less for children and pregnant women.

Uh, Ok.

"We've known for a long time something was wrong here, we just didn't know what it was," resident Myrtle Van Dunk said.

Wake-up-call to Myrtle - Of course there's something wrong. You're eating squirrel!!

Ramen Noodle inventor dies at 96

His twelve cent noodles definitely helped me during a rough 2001 web agency year, but now I prefer a little less salt and MSG. Farewell to the king of Cup Noodles. Amid bad 1998 web design, you can surf his company site for Ramen recipe ideas...

Ramen on a salad. Ramen on pizza. They list lunches, snacks, and even main dishes.

If you're up for some Mexican flavor, try Top Ramen Olé!

You do not like them? So you say.Try them! Try them! And you may.

I swear this stuff finds ME

Uh, I don't wanna look either, buddy, but you're too damn funny not to post.

I went to flickr. I wanted to start a new group of public images to help out a friend who does great work. I researched what was out there in the construction field. I started searching for the terms "carpenter", "construction", and the like.

I soon learned that a search in flickr groups for "blue collar builder"  lists results with a group actually named "You Wearing A Glass Bowl on Your Head"

I have no idea where "blue", or "collar", or "builder" falls into this group's keywords (except maybe the blue towels), but it's entertainment that can't be coached.

If you're into latex fetishes (or maybe silicone, rubber, or vinyl), have fun searching flickr groups for simply "blue collar" (check the #1 result). It's closely followed by a group on Beaded Knitting & Crochet.

Needless to say I was too disturbed to create my own group so I'll venture back at some point. I have to wonder - don't those guys in latex overheat easily? Especially when they're photographed on a latex sheet...

New Year's resolution: watch less fish

Jogging has actually become the easy part. I started jogging outdoors last Spring - maybe three or four times a week. Once I got on a schedule, it was easy to keep up.

No resolutions needed for that one.

Then I saw Winter approaching and bought a treadmill in October. I know myself well enough that if it drops below 50, I ain't running outside.

The treadmill has a lot of speed settings, a sturdy belt, even a built-in fan. I'm on it almost every day.

No resolutions needed for that one.

It's not getting on the treadmill, it's what I do when I'm on it. I must watch TV. No biggie, but I'm always watching cooking shows. By the first quarter mile I'm dreaming of braised lamb, Lidia's chicken with rosemary potatoes, or homemade pasta. By the first mile marker I'm too hungry to run much further, but I have a kick-ass four course dinner planned which will, for sure, negate all calorie-burning efforts.

One time I tried changing the channel (dangerously while running). The remote dropped, spun off across the room and left me to cringe at a group of spoiled brats in "House of Carters" for half an hour.

I did manage to change up my running scene a bit. I was pretty much forced to. Living in a house built in 1892, a few electric outlets are bound to trip here and there, sometimes cutting my fast pace to an immediate zero. Thank god the dog has learned to get up out of my way in a hurry. The new treadmill room has no TV... for now. The electric runs great, but now I'm facing another tempting sight - the bar.  And mind you, until after my run, a fully stocked bar. Doesn't a good girl who runs every day deserve a glass of wine or two... or three...

Universal Serial *BLING*

What's more worrisome about losing a USB drive: your 4 GB of data on it, or the $38,000 diamond case containing the drive? That's a tough call.

This “Ice” USB drive is made of platinum and hand set with 350 white diamonds, for a total weight of 5.8ct. Made by mii Stor, it's at least upgradable so your bling won't ever be last season's technology.

I was wrong.

Forget Dr. Laura.

THIS is the present for the person who has everything - most notedly, a USB drive.

Hug a cow, not a same sex partner

The Teletubbies are bouncing for joy! It's not the purple purse-toting teletubby that makes kids gay (though the jury is still out on The Wiggles). It's soy! Wow. Who knew.

Some jackass is actually making the right-wing embarrassed. A WorldNetDaily commentary is claiming "There's a slow poison out there that's severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. The ironic part is, it's a 'health food,' one of our most popular."

"Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products."

Had enough? I have. I'm going to cleanse myself from reading way too much conservative material by enjoying some liberal Oreo cookies, and maybe a glass of milk.

Will Hunting spotted in Berkshire

Schoolchildren from Caversham have discovered a new theorem that solves an extremely important problem - the problem of nothing.

Side note to those who actually make it through this article: Calculators get an error when a number is divided by zero. Hmm. If I have a brownie, and want to split it in 2, I now have .5 (if I keep half for myself). If I do not want to share my brownie (which is closer to reality), then I want to divide my brownie by zero, or nothing, and I still have 1 whole brownie to myself, but not for very long. So why isn't 1 brownie divided by zero = 1?

*sigh* Oh whateverrrrr. I'll let you figure it out.

What's the square root of...

Being a college adjunct professor, I understand the stress for students at this mid-year point. So here's some exam cheat note hints - Cheat notes should be really, really small, and written in a direction that you can easily read - oh, and not so permanent.

The present for the person you THINK has everything

Come on folks, go do the right thing this holiday. Give that special someone America's real action hero - Dr. Laura.

My first turkey

Baked and basted in apple cider-brown sugar-apple jelly mix, topped with garlic and Jamaican allspice, stuffed with peeled, cinnamon-sprinkled apples... I was so proud of my first turkey - and 20 pounds strong at that.

So proud that I twisted myself over my counter and angled my camera phone just right so I could catch a photo of my dog peeking around for a begging glimpse at my tasty accomplishment... without noticing the cheesy product placement I left (quite obviously) in the composition.

Stove Top stuffing. Busted.

They get so big, so fast

That is, big in fame, recognition, success, and more importantly, self accomplishment.

The average age of my students was 20 when I taught them at School of Visual Arts from 1996-2003, and I was only a handful of years older than the first crew in 1996. As any professor knows, you come across many types of personalities that fill the seats surrounding you. Some were not mentally prepared to pursue a life as an artist, as their passion was lacking, but there were a few students in which I had full confidence in seeing again, outside of SVA and the education walls.

Brian Finke is one of those memorable students. His outstanding environmental portraiture photography seems to pop out at me in occasional Nike ads or stock books.

Another former student, Manuela Paz, has a photography opening Nov 8 at Gallery W 52 in NYC. She's kept my email for almost 7 years, and sends updates on her work. I'm proud of her continued success, and hope that maybe somewhere in the back of her ambitious college memories, she and a few others remember some of the lessons from their energetic digital photography teacher.

Do these pixels come in petite?

After recently catching Opie and Anthony's new and honest TV commercial, I think that maybe HP can save some money on slimming effect filters and headache on the negative outcries they're getting by doing one simple step - load that O & A commercial onto every camera. Let the masters of verbal assault tell it like it is to those in need of some pixel pressing.

"She gets it from her father"

That's my mom's favorite phrase when people ask where my creative side stems from. That's actually a funny question when you think about it. And we've all heard this one that she follows it up with: "I can't even draw a stick figure!"

Today my dad would have turned 71. And in January it will be 19 years since he died. Since he may not be able to appreciate my birthday wishes, here's a post for the creative dads out there who may have young kids, adult kids, awkward kids, athletic kids, obnoxious kids or scarily, maybe, like my friend Bill, artistically talented kids. Creative dads: teach them, and better yet, keep doing it yourselves. They'll remember the little things.

Perfection in my craft. Straight lines without rulers. Drafting, woodworking, pencil drawing, light metering and even composting - I learned all by observing the master himself. He was a man of few words. So here's a few for him...

Happy Birthday.

ps. props to the mom - she taught me to use more than a few words.

When the need to destroy precedes the need to create

On his 80th birthday, photographic artist Brett Weston fed sixty years worth of his negatives into the large fireplace in his home in Hawaii. Some of the negatives  didn't burn immediately. So Weston doused them with kerosene.

Surrealist author Franz Kafka requested his writings be destroyed upon his death. Were it not for Kafka's close friend and editor Max Brod, no one would know anything about Kafka's writings, which have come to symbolize modern man's anxiety-ridden and grotesque alienation in an unintelligible, hostile, or indifferent world. That would be a shame to have missed. I digress.

These artists are among the many whose self accomplishment is attained through the act of creating... producing... building... filming. Weston proved his strong belief that photographic prints should only be made by the hands of the person who created the negative. He was disgusted at his brother's greed in regards to his famous father's negative collection, as his brother would reprint works of the late Edward Weston and sell them for thousands of dollars each.

So when does the need to create get superseded by the need to destroy? There's many situations, one which I sadly witnessed last week in North Caldwell, NJ. The greed to build. My creative working space includes a large 40 inch window that, at times, shows imagery better than anything available on television. It's a view to 300 acres of woodland open space. Well, as of last week, there's now maybe 280. The other morning I wondered what 2 men with medium sized chain saws could possibly do to my view. Four hours later I knew they could completely alter it. Trees were killed. Rabbits ran scared. Fox and groundhog holes got sealed by trucks with four foot wheels. Birds nests came crashing down. Cicadas flew off in fear. The deer do not understand where their grazing land went. The elegant, long-winged hawk no longer glides above it all.

But I'll soon get to gaze out upon 27 luxury estates. And within a few years, beyond that I can  walk my dog up to a group of 140 age restricted town homes. I won't have to worry about deer ticks. I'll just have a few more cars at each new stoplight to help all the new traffic, which may help slow down the cars which kill the deer crossing the roads looking for a new home.

In his mind, the builder will have created an awesome masterpiece. And he'll keep going as long as he finds more hawks soaring in slow motion.

Bye bye fireflies...