The ex moved out, and took his 3 TVs. You don’t care. But if one day you’re in my situation–home with no TV and 5 cats, just keep in mind the following things you could be doing…
- Buy epoxy. It’s awesome. It fixes everything. But keep the cats away.
- Inhale epoxy. Just do it.
- Look at fish tank. Don’t clean it, just think about how much time you now have to clean it.
- Turn on deck lights. See if snow has melted.
- Look at cable box and wonder when you’ll either cancel or buy new tv.
- Plug in cable box if you really care about what time it is.
- Weigh-in the cats. Note the black one weighs more, but looks slimmest. Make note to self to buy more black pants. Maybe furry black pants.
- Change every bulb in every light fixture.
- Turn on deck lights. See if snow has melted.
- Go to the gym. They have tv! Late night choices are: “16 and pregnant,” “Charlie Rose,” “Glee” or some random republicans. Definitely opt for Charlie. Hope that Matt Damon isn’t on–spin bikes don’t fair well with dramatic pauses.
- Clean stainless steel stove. Every day.
- Go to basement. Grab flashlight. Seek out all illegal items that ex-bf claims he hid from you and could never find. Imagine your next party as a scene from Boogie Nights involving a small Asian man.
- Turn on deck lights. See if snow has melted.
- Think about hiring 3 strong plumbers with big wrenches to come fix the leaking radiator–yes just one radiator.
- Vacuum. Anything. Even the cats.
- Read Suburban Essex. 17 times. Realize all the activities you’ve been missing around town…. The Stroke Club, Self Help Amputee Group, Yoga for the Face–yes, I said face… and even Lunch with a Leprechaun–which, I kid you not, offers “kid friendly sandwiches.”
- Write a blog post about things to do when you don’t have a TV.
- Turn on deck lights. See if snow has melted.
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