doych

New Year's resolution: watch less fish

Jogging has actually become the easy part. I started jogging outdoors last Spring - maybe three or four times a week. Once I got on a schedule, it was easy to keep up.

No resolutions needed for that one.

Then I saw Winter approaching and bought a treadmill in October. I know myself well enough that if it drops below 50, I ain't running outside.

The treadmill has a lot of speed settings, a sturdy belt, even a built-in fan. I'm on it almost every day.

No resolutions needed for that one.

It's not getting on the treadmill, it's what I do when I'm on it. I must watch TV. No biggie, but I'm always watching cooking shows. By the first quarter mile I'm dreaming of braised lamb, Lidia's chicken with rosemary potatoes, or homemade pasta. By the first mile marker I'm too hungry to run much further, but I have a kick-ass four course dinner planned which will, for sure, negate all calorie-burning efforts.

One time I tried changing the channel (dangerously while running). The remote dropped, spun off across the room and left me to cringe at a group of spoiled brats in "House of Carters" for half an hour.

I did manage to change up my running scene a bit. I was pretty much forced to. Living in a house built in 1892, a few electric outlets are bound to trip here and there, sometimes cutting my fast pace to an immediate zero. Thank god the dog has learned to get up out of my way in a hurry. The new treadmill room has no TV... for now. The electric runs great, but now I'm facing another tempting sight - the bar.  And mind you, until after my run, a fully stocked bar. Doesn't a good girl who runs every day deserve a glass of wine or two... or three...

Universal Serial *BLING*

What's more worrisome about losing a USB drive: your 4 GB of data on it, or the $38,000 diamond case containing the drive? That's a tough call.

This “Ice” USB drive is made of platinum and hand set with 350 white diamonds, for a total weight of 5.8ct. Made by mii Stor, it's at least upgradable so your bling won't ever be last season's technology.

I was wrong.

Forget Dr. Laura.

THIS is the present for the person who has everything - most notedly, a USB drive.

Hug a cow, not a same sex partner

The Teletubbies are bouncing for joy! It's not the purple purse-toting teletubby that makes kids gay (though the jury is still out on The Wiggles). It's soy! Wow. Who knew.

Some jackass is actually making the right-wing embarrassed. A WorldNetDaily commentary is claiming "There's a slow poison out there that's severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. The ironic part is, it's a 'health food,' one of our most popular."

"Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products."

Had enough? I have. I'm going to cleanse myself from reading way too much conservative material by enjoying some liberal Oreo cookies, and maybe a glass of milk.

Love and peace... or else

My sister got married (again). This time she and her new hubby decided on a "cost-effective" wedding. Translation: My mom will pay for food and venue. And that's it. I received the passive-aggressive phone call about a week before the wedding: "So I guess we'll have no music since I haven't hired a DJ." *sigh* Close friends and family know I'm hooked on MP3s and will happily "DJ" an event - or more like "create an ITunes playlist."  While going through my music library, I feel I have to point out some very funny titles, given the nature of the event and the captivating witchiness of my sister. Here's some song titles that gave me a chuckle:

Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of
I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
Love And Peace Or Else
Love Is Blindness
Many A Mile To Freedom
Hidden Treasure
If You Could Only See
See No Evil
Annie Get Your Gun
Dirty Little Secret
Hips Don't Lie
The Path Of Thorns
I Didn't Mean To Turn You On

and my favorites... "Back Door Man" and "Whipping Boy"

Will Hunting spotted in Berkshire

Schoolchildren from Caversham have discovered a new theorem that solves an extremely important problem - the problem of nothing.

Side note to those who actually make it through this article: Calculators get an error when a number is divided by zero. Hmm. If I have a brownie, and want to split it in 2, I now have .5 (if I keep half for myself). If I do not want to share my brownie (which is closer to reality), then I want to divide my brownie by zero, or nothing, and I still have 1 whole brownie to myself, but not for very long. So why isn't 1 brownie divided by zero = 1?

*sigh* Oh whateverrrrr. I'll let you figure it out.

What's the square root of...

Being a college adjunct professor, I understand the stress for students at this mid-year point. So here's some exam cheat note hints - Cheat notes should be really, really small, and written in a direction that you can easily read - oh, and not so permanent.

The present for the person you THINK has everything

Come on folks, go do the right thing this holiday. Give that special someone America's real action hero - Dr. Laura.

What drives an 8 year old to drink

Maine officials banned this beer label because it may appeal to children. Sure I once loved the guy, but from what I recall it was a time when I craved chocolate milk, was hooked on the Muppets, boys had the cooties, and my sister's candy cigarettes tasted damn good.